


Make Me Wanna Die

by NLJ21



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: Cussing, F/M, Hope is ooc because her canon character is fucking trash, No Smut, Teacher-Student Sex, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:01:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22319056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NLJ21/pseuds/NLJ21
Summary: Hope thinks she's in love with Alaric.Set after s1e7 but this doesn't matter at all.
Relationships: Freya Mikaelson & Hope Mikaelson, Hope Mikaelson & Alaric Saltzman, Hope Mikaelson/Alaric Saltzman
Comments: 8
Kudos: 37





	Make Me Wanna Die

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lea12](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lea12/gifts).



> Inspired by thief of hearts (by Lea12), a dream and my hate for the show.

She fucked up, badly. And she knew it.

The necromancer escaped because of her.

The knife was returned to Malivore because of her.

Hell was one step closer to being unleashed because of her.

If she had just listened to Alaric and stayed away from the monster, then everything would have been fine. She knew she was taking a risk and in the end, it didn’t pay off. Does that mean she would listen to him in the future? Absolutely not.

Everyone would be safer without her.

Everyone would be better off without her.

But that was normal. She accepted that. Luckily she couldn’t care less about anyone at that school. 

Except for one. Alaric was the only person in that school that meant anything to her, the only one who cared about her in that school.

He had always been there for her, ever since she first stepped foot into the school, never caring about her name, always looking after her and accepting her with all her faults.

That may be an exaggeration. He did try his best to change her to a better person. He fucking tried his hardest and he always would.

Often he had been more of a dad than her actual father. Alaric had been there when she needed someone, when her father couldn’t be there.

Alaric would never be her father and he was not a replacement for her dad, but for her, he was family. She loved him just like she loved her family, but in a different way.

Her love for her family is absolutely unconditional. Family above all, always and forever, she was basically indoctrinated with the value of family since she was born. She would almost certainly never break out of this, and she didn’t want to. No one was as important as her family.

Principal Saltzman had always been more than just father figure or a mentor.

She realized this quite late but she knew it had always been true. No boy or girl ever interested her as much as her history teacher, her headmaster, her fighting trainer, her friend.

Her love for him is different than her love for her family. It developed over a long time. She first met him when she was seven years old. Back then, she didn’t feel like this, obviously.

Her feelings became more apparent after she dreamt of him one night. She was fifteen when it happened; she had just come back from New Orleans. It was a perfectly innocent dream. He was watching her paint, praising her, giving her suggestions, making her laugh.

That was the best thing about him, he made her laugh.

After that dream she began to notice him more.

She noticed how lonely he was.

How his daughters were hurting him by pushing him away. Apparently it wasn’t cool to have a father.

How he needed someone, especially after Caroline left for another ‘recruitment mission’. Hope suspected that this might be bullshit and was very tempted to search through his diary, but she respected him too much to do that.

For some reason she developed feelings for him. Daddy issues for life, it seemed.

But she swore to herself to not act on some stupid teacher crush. So much humanity she had left. And for a while that worked pretty well.

When she was particularly down or when she was plagued by nightmares, she would perform a spell that made her see him in her dreams. There she could live out her fantasies, although she rarely did. No fun when he is not acting like himself.

Sometimes she would see her mom in her dreams and just talk to her. The spell made her lucid, so she could control everything.

She didn’t do that often. Talking to the dead wasn’t the problem, that’s perfectly okay, talking to her mom and imagining how disappointed she would be was the problem.

So she would rather see Alaric, who she called Ric in her dreams.

Everything was fine until monster attacked and suddenly, she and Alaric were spending an awful lot of time together.

Seeing him so much made it very hard for her to be a good person, to not seduce him. And at one point she stopped trying to restrain herself. Being a Mikaelson and being a good person just doesn’t work that well.

Seducing someone wasn’t the best thing to do, but she rather did that than kill people, which would be just as natural for her.

All of this, all her messed up feelings made it even harder to face him now. With tears in her eyes, she entered his office. Somewhere in her heart there was a part that was genuinely feeling bad, that cared, but most of her was pretty much indifferent.

Indifferent and disappointed in herself. She was outsmarted by a fucking necromancer of all people. He used her weakness, her dead parents, against her and she fell for it like an idiot.

He was so mad at her. He could never have been more disappointed in her than she was in herself. Everyone used to say how smart she is when she was younger, but apparently she was as much as an idiot as everyone else.

“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice cracking.

His angry expression softened after seeing her eyes.

She sometimes wondered why she was so good at acting and fooling people. Maybe it’s her cold Mikaelson heart.

“I should have listened to you. I’m so stupid. Everyone is in danger because of me. I-“

“Hope, stop.”

Her eyes met his and she saw a sad smile and understanding eyes. He gestured her to sit, but she remained standing. 

“It’s,” he began and sighed, “Okay. You did what you thought would be best.”

“How can you always be so forgiving? You would punish anyone else, but you never punish me. I don’t understand why. Why aren’t you mad?”

Alaric took a step forward, closing the distance between them.

“I’m disappointed in you, but I know you. I know that you are a good person and I know that you meant well,” he answered. “You’re stubborn and you always do what you think is best for everyone. You’re just like your parents in that aspect.”

She basically jumped into his arms in response. He was taken by surprise but put his arms around her anyway, hugging her with a small smile.

“Sorry,” Hope said. “Didn’t mean to do that." Lying is also a skill she was born with.

“It’s okay. I needed that hug after everything that happened in the last few days.”

“I’m sorry about your wife.” That, for once, was true.

“It’s not your fault,” he said with so much sadness in his voice that she felt really bad for him. “That’s why I wanted you to stay away from the necromancer. I didn’t want you to feel the pain that I’m feeling.”

He got himself a glass and was about to pour some alcohol in it when he looked at Hope, her earlier comments about his drinking habits still in mind.

“Give me a drink,” Hope commanded with raised eyebrow, challenging him.

“You’re seventeen.”

“And I had a really bad day.”

He chuckled in response and handed her a glass. Not really the responsible headmaster that he should be, but Hope is so much more than just another student. Besides, he hadn’t been the most responsible guardian for Elena and Jeremy either.

“I’m sorry for criticizing your drinking habits. Grieve however you want. I’m certainly not someone who should tell other people how to grieve properly.”

“Stop apologizing for everything.”

Raising her glass, she smiled at him. “Cheers.”

They spent two hours together, drinking, laughing. At one point Hope asked him whether he played chess, which he denied.

“How have never played chess?”

“Don’t know. Never came up before.”

“Haven’t you played games with Lizzie and Josie?”

“Caroline was more the one to play with them.”

“Surely you did too.”

“Sometimes, but not often. Looking back, I should have spent so much more time with them. I was always preoccupied with the school.”

“Well, then we will play games. I’ll teach you how to play chess,” she announced and before he could protest, she left his office to get the game from her room.

She changed into more comfortable clothes. Running around in a skirt all day was way too annoying.

The first two buttons of his shirt were undone when she came back. She could see the hair of his chest sticking out.

She set up the board and placed the pieces to their position.

“Ready to lose?” she asked him after explaining the rules to him.

He tsked and shook his head. “Overconfidence.”

They played three games. Hope often touched his hand or arm and she tried to make it seem like she was doing it unintentionally.

Each game ended with Hope winning. Easy wins as he was just learning the rules.

“All right, that’s enough for one evening,” he said after the last game. He stood up and stretched. Maybe he drank too much, he thought. He was a bit dizzy and nauseous.

“Is it weird for you that I can drink more than you? I mean, you’re an alcoholic.”

“Not fair. You’re supernatural.” He definitely drank too much, judging from the way he was slurring. “Go to your room.”

“I’m gonna leave this here,” she said, gesturing to the chessboard.

Alaric only nodded in response. Hope stood up, walked to him and kissed his cheek, which made him freeze. She didn’t let him respond because she immediately turned around and walked to the door, smirking as she felt his eyes on her. 

It wasn’t just a kiss, but a spell too. A spell that would make sure that he would be dreaming about her that night, just like she was dreaming about him.

* * *

Training with Alaric, monster hunting with Alaric and playing chess with Alaric, that was pretty much her life. Of course there was still school and she painted a lot. Like, a lot.

Yes, they spent a lot of time together. Lizzie and Josie resented her for spending so much time with their father.

“Father Stealer.” That is what Lizzie called her one day.

It was not her fault that Alaric spent time with her instead of them. They could always go to him and do some daughter-daddy bonding. Alaric would always be there for them. But they didn’t, so she used his free time.

“I don’t think my daughters like me,” he confessed to Hope one evening after killing another monster. Again, they were drinking together.

It became some sort of habit to sit in his office and celebrate with alcohol after killing a monster.

“They love you but you are the headmaster and they are stupid. They don’t appreciate having their father next to them all the time because it’s not cool or whatever,” Hope replied bitterly. She would have done everything to have her father this close. She still would.

She hated them for not using the opportunity to spend time with their father.

Someday they would regret this.

“Do you think I should step down and let someone else be headmaster? It’s killing me to have my daughters this close and yet be so distant,” he said and drowned the glass of bourbon.

“What? No. You are literally working your dream job and it is not your fault that they keep their distance. You just have to be patient, one day they will realize their mistake.”

Alaric rubbed his temples. “I shouldn’t tell you about my problems. You have enough to deal with. You don’t need my problems too.”

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to hear it,” Hope said with a smile. “Besides, your name is too fitting for you not to be the headmaster, ruler of all.”

“You researched what my name means?” Alaric chuckled.

“Oh, don’t feel special. I research all kind of things.”

“All right,” he chuckled again. “Thank you,” he said, sounding more serious.

“You’re welcome. Ready for another ass-kicking?” Hope asked while getting the chess board ready.

“Always, but this time I’ll win.”

Hope smirked in response. “Sure you will.”

“Didn’t I teach you to not be overconfident?”

“Yea, yea, being overconfident could kill you one day. Never underestimate your opponent,” she recited his words and imitated his voice.

“Good girl.”

* * *

Freya was the person Hope talked to the most, except Dr. Saltzman and by necessity, her classmates.

They talked almost daily.

Her aunt was one of the reasons she hadn’t gone insane yet. She had shown her so many spells, many of which helped to calm her and keep her level headed enough to not burn the school down in a fit of anger. And burning it down seemed very tempting.

Freya had always been like a second mom to her. After all, she had been there for all her life next to Hayley, raising her, teaching her everything about magic, about the Mikaelson family.

Hope would like to say that she learnt magic thanks to the school, but she would be lying. One hour with her aunt is more productive than a week of school. If only her teachers didn’t treat her like a brain dead idiot, then she might learn something new.

Most of her classmates seemed to need the time, though.

Hope didn’t know what she would do without her aunt. Every time the thought of losing her crossed her mind, it terrified her, and eventually she would definitely lose her.

After all, Freya was just a witch who would die at some point in the not so far future.

So she would lose her too. And Keelin. And Rebekah. And Davina.

“Are you still daydreaming or are you finally paying attention, Hope?” Dorian asked her in an annoyed tone.

A few people looked at her, some annoyed, some smug. Especially Lizzie looked way too happy.

“I don’t know, are you finally teaching something relevant?”

“The door is over there,” he pointed to his right, “if you believe you know everything.”

Hope scoffed, packed her stuff and stood up.

“I don’t know why you are behaving like this but it disappoints me. You are too smart for this,” he said.

“Oh, I’m so, so sorry for being me. I’ll change. Just for you,” she replied, pouting her lips and looking sorry.

A few students snickered at her answer.

“You know what I meant,” Dorian defended.

“Whatever. Idiot.”

“What was that?”

“Maybe you should become a vampire so that your hearing improves,” she suggests.

“I heard what you said.”

“Then why ask, idiot?”

“Hope-“

“What? Gonna suspend me? Who’s gonna protect your precious school then?”

“Congratulations, you earned yourself a visit to the headmaster.”

“Why, thank you. I was about to go there anyway. I think we’ll play chess and drink, so thank you very much.”

“Hope.”

“Oh, for fucks sake, what?”

He remained quiet for a moment, observing her. Finally, he stepped outside with her and asked, “Are you alright?”

She chuckled and said, “Of course.” She left.

Hope just went straight to Alaric’s office. She knocked multiple times but he didn’t open, so she let herself in with a simple spell.

He wasn’t there. She thought he might be sleeping in there – he often did, especially recently with all the research he was doing for that whole Malivore shit.

She would just wait for him

She threw her bag in the next corner and grabbed a book that was standing on a shelf. 

Her back was way too familiar with the couch, she thought, but helping him research the entire night was exhausting.

After taking a glass filled with bourbon, she began reading.

It took two hours until Alaric finally came to his office.

“Hey,” he said when he came in, not even surprised that she was there.

“What’s up?”

“I was just in the library searching for more books,” he said, pointing to the bag in his right hand.

“I’m starting to think that we won’t find the answers in a book,” she replied.

“Might be true but what else can we do?” he asked and let the book filled bag fall on his desk.

“Let’s capture the next monster and interrogate it.” She leaned forward, placing her elbows on her knees.

“Because that worked so well with the necromancer?”

“I’ve learnt my lesson, okay?” She rolled her eyes but smiled.

“I sincerely doubt that. But you’re right; capturing the next monster is probably our best shot. Hopefully the monster can speak.”

“Yea, a gargoyle is not the most talkative monster.”

“Why are you here, by the way?” Alaric asked.

“Dorian kicked me out.”

“He did?” He laughed.

“Well, I actually left. He said I could leave if I know everything already.”

“You’re impossible.” He placed the books on his desk and organized them in some order.

“That offer was too tempting,” she replied. “Shouldn’t you be mad, though?”

“What’s the point in that? At least now you can help me research.”

She smiled in response and held her hand out. He handed her a couple of books. “Stop drinking without me,” he said as he saw the almost empty glass.

“You are supposed to say, ‘Don’t drink, Hope. You’re seventeen and you shouldn’t drink in the middle of the day’ or some shit like this.”

“You want me to say this?” Alaric asked with furrowed brows.

“No, you are supposed to say this,” she said as if it was obvious.

“I think I’m a little late telling you what you should and shouldn’t do.”

“Of course. I just want to disobey whatever you say.”

“Asshole.” He let himself fall in his comfortable chair and smiled. 

“Excuse me?”

“Mikaelson?”

“Better.”

* * *

The knock on her door surprised her. It was way too early for someone to be at her door. No one ever came to her - they all stayed away as far as possible.

Putting the brush away and taking a last look at the painting she was working on, she walked to the door and opened it.

Alaric was at the other side, crossbow in his hands.

“New monster?”

“New monster.”

She grinned. “Give me a minute.”

After changing into more fitting clothes to fight a monster, she joined Alaric who was waiting for her.

“What are we fighting?” she asked. They were in his car, driving through Mystic Falls.

“Not sure. Matt told me people saw some weird animal like monster. Something they have never seen before.”

Chilly air touched Hope’s skin as she stepped out of the car. The sun was barely up, still very early in the day.

Hope could feel the magic in the air.

She walked around for a bit, just looking around the forest that they were in.

“What do you think it is?” she asked.

“Alaric?”

She turned around and searched him.

 _No._ He collapsed on the ground, unconscious.

There was blood coming from a wound on his head. Healing magic was immediately oozing out of her fingers.

She couldn’t heal him for long. An attack was coming

* * *

Everything hurt when she woke up. It was dark outside and Hope felt dizzy. Memories of what had happened flooded her.

Alaric! Her eyes scanned the dark forest in panic as she remembered that he was injured. 

A light appeared in her palm thanks to her magic. With the help of the new source of light, she searched her friend.

Her search was going slow because she could hardly walk, her body aching badly.

It should have healed, but all these monsters have stupid abilities that counter hers. She killed every single one, and this one wasn’t different, but they sometimes left her in a sad state. 

She dropped to her knees once she found him, exhaustion taking over. She crawled the last meters on all fours. He looked dead, almost peaceful.

Panic settled in her when her magic didn’t work. She desperately tried to heal him, but it just didn’t work.

“Get up,” the tribrid said as she pulled on his arm. Never before had she felt this weak and drained. She barely used any magic, so the fact that she can’t use enough to carry Alaric had to be an effect of the monster’s attacks.

It was miserable, dragging him to his car. He was way too heavy for her, his weight pulling her down, almost making her fall over three times.

“Just a little further,” she cried. “Fuck.”

Her words vanished in the darkness. The light in her hand extinguished suddenly, making her fall over because she couldn’t see where she was going.

Alaric, with all his weight, fell on her, trapping her underneath him. She couldn’t get him off, her body too exhausted and weak, her magic not working, no matter how hard she tried.

“Fuck.” She tried to push him off, she fucking tried, but she couldn’t.

Once again someone she loved was hurt because of her.

Once again she couldn’t protect someone she loved.

And now she can’t even help him.

She was weak. She had never been strong like her mother, like her father.

They never gave up – no one in her family ever did. They were fighters, fighting even when everything was hopeless.

Hopeless. But she was Hope, the literal embodiment of her family’s hope.

She, who was worth fighting for, had to keep fighting if she wanted to save him. Her own weakness wouldn’t cost her another loved one.

She closed her eyes, taking a few deep breaths. _‘Come on, use your brain.’_

After a surprisingly small struggle, she was able to free her right arm from his weight. With her now free hand, she pushed his head to the side until she could free her left arm. She got out thanks to the combined strength of both her arms.

She picked him up, brining his arm around her neck and stumbled through the darkness, hoping that they were still going in the right direction.

After what felt like an eternity, Hope finally saw the car in the distance. She carried his unconscious figure the rest of the way, his feet leaving a trail in the earth.

The exhaustion hit another level as soon as she got him seated in the car and she herself dropped down in the car.

The school was embedded in darkness when they arrived, no lights were on. Hope relaxed for a moment before she got out of the car. She had to carry Alaric into his room and her healing abilities were not working at all.

Her head felt like it was cracked in half, her legs were shaking slightly, her nose was broken, and her belly was bruised.

She was miserable, but at least she was conscious. She took a look at the unconscious headmaster and wondered what was going on in his head. If she wasn’t so beat up, she would have entered his mind to still her curiosity.

But, in her current state, that seemed impossible.

“Fucking hell,” she grumbled and got up.

Getting Alaric out of the car was harder than she expected. The awkward angle, his weight and her tired body made it a real challenge to get him out. She managed to get him out and almost fell over again, only finding her footing in the last second.

She dragged him through the dead silent school, no one there to help her, but at least she had light to guide her.

It felt strangely intimate having Alaric on her shoulder. She never experienced this much contact to another person in years, unless you count sparring with him.

The way his head bounced against hers from time to time, the way he was drooling a little bit, it made him fell a lot less like Dr. Saltzman the headmaster, and more like Alaric, her friend.

She almost walked against a wall because she kept looking at him. He was way too adorable to not look at him. She had seen him sleep before, and every time it was just as adorable.

It was almost funny. Alaric always tried to appear strong in front of her, whether it was when they were fighting monsters or when he was just being the headmaster.

Relive rose in her chest as they arrived at his door. She tried to open it but to no avail. It wasn’t just locked but magically sealed so that only he could enter. Smart idea, you don’t want stupid kids break into your room.

Normally Hope could have broken through the barrier but, in this moment, she couldn’t. Nothing happened when she tried to use magic. It was almost like her magic was gone, only that she could feel it burning under her skin - just out of reach, inaccessible.

Running her one free hand through her hair, she decided to get him into her room. She had absolutely no desire to wake the twins up and explain why her father was unconscious. The conversation would happen, just not this night.

She could have brought him in his office but then the teacher would have found him the next morning.

So her decision was made. The problem was only that she had to drag him up the stairs which proved to be a herculean task. Bringing him to her room was the physically hardest thing she had ever done.

Once they finally reached her room, she lost her balance. Luckily, they fell on her bed and she landed on him, not the other way around.

Lying on him, she could hear his calm heartbeat. He looked peaceful, the stress of his job almost disappeared on his face.

Hope rolled over, sat on the ground with her back against the bed and fell asleep.

* * *

She woke up to the sound of furious knocking on her door.

Stretching her arms and legs – the sound of cracking joint of bones could be heard – she made her way to the door.

“Where is my dad?” Lizzie asked in a tone that was way too loud for Hope’s tired ears.

“I don’t know,” she lied easily.

“I know he is in here,” Lizzie replied angrily. “I did a locator spell.”

So much for going back to sleep.

“So what?”

“What is he doing here? He has a job to do and he has daughters who need him. Oh God, he- you didn’t sleep with him…?” Hope would have laughed at the horrified face Lizzie was making if she wasn’t so tired.

“No, I did not.”

“Then why is he in your room?” Lizzie asked and pushed the tribrid out of her way, walking into her room. “Dad! Wake up!”

“What have you done to him?” She turned to Hope. Even though Hope was two years older, Lizzie towered over her, partly because of the heels she was wearing.

“Nothing,” Hope replied in a bored tone.

“Then why won’t he wake up, you father stealing, lying bitch.”

Hope’s eyes narrowed. “He is unconscious because the monster we fought attacked him. I didn’t have the time to properly heal him.”

“Of course, sounds just like him. Let me guess, he jumped in front of you and took the blow. He would do everything for you.”

“No, for a matter of fact, he did not.”

“Doesn’t matter, it’s your fault anyway. Everything is your fault. You ruined my life.”

“Get out,” Hope said through gritted teeth.

“Or what?”

They stared each other down, anger in both of their faces. Hope waved her hand which resulted in Lizzie flying through the open door.

The door closed thanks to another flick of her wrist. At least her magic was working again.

* * *

Sunlight shone though her window, illuminating the room. Classes were already over but Hope had more pressing matters to worry about.

After she had kicked Lizzie out, she set up a similar boundary that Alaric had on his room, only differences was that it couldn’t be siphoned off. A dark object – a gift from uncle Kol – made the boundary possible and this object was lying safely in her room.

This was necessary because Alaric didn’t wake up after she healed him. She let him sleep and she didn’t want another person storming in her room.

So she showered to kill time and because she desperately needed it. The warm water was a divine gift, judging from the way her body relaxed under the water. She thought about Alaric.

A disgusted expression crept up on her face as she exited the bathroom. Her sensitive werewolf nose picked up on Alaric’s smell.

Thank God she was a witch. The smell instantly changed to something more pleasant thanks to a simple wave of her hand.

Hope sat down next to him, placing her hands on his forehead and temple. She got into his mind.

He was dreaming about her. A dream he wouldn’t want to share with anyone. This was enough for her to see, so she left his mind and painted him how he was lying in her bed.

He still dreamed about her, even though her spell wasn’t active anymore.

What she loved about him were his contradictions.

An ex-vampire hunter with a vampire (ex-vampire to be more specific) as his best friend.

A guardian to a vampire (ex-vampire to be more specific) and a vampire hunter.

His first wife became a vampire and left him. Another girlfriend was turned into a vampire and sacrificed by daddy.

His fiancé was killed by her sociopath brother.

And yet he opened a school for vampires.

His life was ruined in some many ways by the Mikaelsons yet he doesn’t treat her badly.

He could hold a crutch and be forgiving – both seen with Damon or her.

He was real, complex – someone who lived through tragedy. Alaric wasn’t like her schoolmates. They all believed they know everything about the world, but he had really lived.

He made bad decisions; he was a giant hypocrite – especially when he tried to make her something she was not.

But he also tried to do the right thing, tried to choose Good. In this way, she wanted to be like him.

Supernatural people destroyed his life again and again and he still built a school where supernatural kids could have a safe place. Granted, he only did that because his daughters were witches.

She loved him because he was more than everyone else around her. Not just a good-looking guy who owned a school, but a guy who lived through a terrible life and who used his experiences to help others.

He was good and she wanted that.

Even if he wanted to change her – especially because he wanted to change her. He saw something in her that no one else did, that she didn’t see herself. He saw Good in her, someone who could be saved.

He was naïve – trying to change her – but wise.

He was a hypocrite and often incompetent at his job.

Alaric was human. And she loved that.

It took a while until he finally woke up. He stretched contently. After a moment he realized where he was and asked, “What the hell happened?”

She was standing with her back to him, still focused on the painting. “You got taken out like a bitch and left me with all the work.”

“Good job, then. I guess.” He sat up and rubbed his head. “How long was I out?”

“Like thirty five hours.”

“What? Why didn’t you wake me?”

“I tried after I healed you. You’re welcome, by the way. But you didn’t wake up, so I let you sleep.”

“I need to get to work,” the headmaster said and stood up.

“You work too much.” She shook her head.

“Comes with the job.”

“You still need to chill. I’ve never seen you this relaxed before.” She turned around.

“Great. I will just let the monsters knock me out every couple of days.”

“Just find a hobby.”

“Monster hunting and playing chess not enough?”

“You mean letting me do all the work and losing while you’re drunk? No, that does not count.”

“Woah, you’re not doing all the work.”

“Sure,” she said, rolling her eyes.

“Stop rolling your eyes all the time.”

“How would people know that I am annoyed by them if I stopped?”

He sighed and smiled. “I have to go.”

“Hm, sure. Lizzie came by. You should say hi.”

Alaric groaned. “What did she say?”

“She wanted to know why you’re here and if we had sex.” She hid a smirk at the way he froze at the sex part.

“And what did you say?”

“Yes, obviously,” she deadpanned.

“Please tell me you’re joking,” he replied and pressed his eyes shut.

She used his closed eyes to get closer and place her left hand on his chest to which he instantly opened his eyes.

“Hope-“

“I’m obviously joking. I kicked her out because she was being a brat. You and Caroline did something very wrong.”

He stepped backwards so that Hope had to drop her hand.

“Why so tense, hm?” she asked.

“Thanks for saving me. See you later,” he said and left.

She went to the gym and trained, alone.

She astral projected Freya, Kol and Rebekah in the evening. They talked for two hours.

She didn’t go to Alaric. Instead, she read a book and listened to music.

* * *

“Ready to listen today?” Dorian asked her after he entered the classroom.

“I’ll go if you don’t want me here.”

“I want my students to listen to me.”

“Can’t promise that.”

“Then why are you here?”

“Why are you?”

“I’m your teacher, you answer me.”

“I’m a Mikaelson so you should answer to me or everyone you love will die,” she said. “Oh my God, chill. Can’t take a joke?” He looked like he was ready to yell at her.

“Can’t you shut up for once?” Lizzie asked, annoyed.

“Since when am I talking all the time? I never speak to any of you.”

“And you are still the most annoying person I know.”

“That’s sweet. I couldn’t care less about you.”

“Then why are you even talking to me?” Lizzie smiled, as if she proved something to Hope.

“Are you brain damaged? You are asking me a question and I answered. Not hard to understand, is it?”

“Hope.” Dorian used his teacher voice.

“Let me guess, go to the headmaster’s office. Effective punishment.” She rolled her eyes.

“Sit down.”

The rest of the day was uneventful until she visited Alaric in the evening.

They quickly abandoned reading old and hard to understand books in favor of drinks and a game of chess.

“How are you still this bad at this game?”

“Not everyone can be good at everything.”

Hope leaned back, took a sip of her bourbon filled glass and asked, “Do you love me?”

“What?” he replied after staring at her for a whole minute.

“You heard me.”

“I love all my students,” he deflected.

She smirked. “You don’t need to act like this around me. I thought you knew that. Just be yourself.”

“Like you are?” he questioned skeptically.

“You should be happy that I’m not acting how I meant to be. But that’s beside the point. You know how I insulted Lizzie earlier and yet we are here.”

He laughed, relived. “You think I’m in love with you because I’m not mad at you?”

“No,” she said and he tensed again. “I saw your dreams when you were out. I see how you look at me. Seriously, I’m not stupid. I see it in your eyes.”

“Well, you’re wrong.”

She stood up and walked to him, standing right in front of him.

“Don’t be afraid. I feel it too,” she whispered.

“I think you should leave.”

“Don’t ruin it.”

“I’m serious.”

“So am I. You want it, I want it. Why refuse?”

“Because I don’t and even if it were true, I’m still your headmaster.”

“Really? Ex-vampire hunter cares about rules now?”

He stood up and looked down on her. She smiled. And pushed him back down.

“Ex, precisely.”

“What would you do if I kissed you right now?”

“I would push you off and kick you out.”

“Sure about that?” she asked and sat on his lap. “I know you are unhappy. I also know that I make you happier. I know what I feel. For once I do. So, what about you, mh?” She leaned closer. He didn’t push her off. He didn’t move at all; only his eyes were moving frantically over her.

She wouldn’t kiss him, not if he truly did not want it.

“Alaric. Ric. You have been one of the best things in my life ever since I came back to school. I won’t do anything if that is what you want. If you look me in the eyes and tell me that you don’t feel the same as I do, then I will leave you alone, forever. I will leave this room; hell, I’ll leave the school if that is what you want. You have all the power here, ruler of all,” she whispers the end.

They locked eyes for what seemed like forever. Hope was determined to not break the contact. His body was tense under her and his face went to all sorts of emotions.

Guilt, resentment, longing and, finally, acceptance. Slowly, way to slow for her liking, he leaned forward until their foreheads touched.

Physical contact was rare for her, she longed for it. But the touching foreheads, no, she couldn’t. That was the last thing she and her dad ever did – touching foreheads. 

She almost pulled away and yelled at him, but she endured it because he was about to kiss her, and she wanted that. _She wanted this._

All she had to do was wait a bit longer.

And he did. He kissed her. It was awkward. Kissing had been awkward when she kissed Roman and it was awkward with Alaric too.

How disappointing, she thought.

No backing up now, though. She worked too long for this, so she pulled his shirt over his head.

“Are you sure you want this?” Alaric asked, and she nodded.

_She wants this._

* * *

Sex was different than she expected. It was the next morning and they were on the couch, still naked. He was asleep.

She knew it would hurt, that wasn’t the problem. The problem was, she didn’t feel anything. It was rather uncomfortable.

He seemed to enjoy fucking her immensely. When she tried to talk to him, he didn’t respond, so lost in pleasure.

In that moment, laying next to him, feeling disgusting, did she think that she might have talked herself into something she didn’t want. Maybe her feelings weren’t as real as she thought they were.

Sex sucks, she decided that moment. And she probably didn’t love Alaric.

Which made it even worse. She seduced him, got him to do something against his moral code and then she realized her feelings weren’t real.

It was so obvious, all of a sudden. Her feelings weren’t what she thought they were.

She got dressed and sat next to him. His face was relaxed and he looked like he was smiling.

That changed when she woke him up. For a second, he smiled at her, only for his expression to turn to something like guilt and disgust.

“What have I done?” he muttered, his face hidden behind his hands.

She pulled his hands away and looked at him.

“Are you all right?” he asked.

“Sure,” she said. Even to her own ears she didn’t sound convincing.

“Hope-“

“Don’t.”

“But-“

“I got what I wanted.”

“I shouldn’t have- God, I’m sorry.” He sounded horrified. 

“I said don’t. Alaric?”

He looked at her, hopeful.

“I think I was wrong.”

“How?”

“I don’t love you. I thought I did.” She closed her eyes because she couldn’t bear to see his heartbroken eyes. “I’m sorry for doing this to you.”

“Hope,” he said and put his hand on her arm, but she pulled away and stood up.

“I’ll be in my room if you need me to kill another monster.”

She left.

And cried once she was back in her room. 

Loving a Mikaelson is a death sentence. That might be the case, but she couldn’t even love someone in the first place; not like this, at least.

The next weeks were normal. At first it was a little awkward between them, mainly from his side, but that was soon behind them. She addressed him as Dr. Saltzman.

Everything stopped – no research together, no drinking, no chess. Only their training sessions and monster hunting stayed the same.

Eventually they figured out their Malivore problem, which she took as her cue to go.

She packed her stuff and left. She gave Alaric the painting she made of him as a parting gift.

“Are you sure you want to leave?” he asked.

“I guess. Time to go home.”

“This is your home.”

“No. It’s yours. New Orleans is mine.”

“You spent more time here than in New Orleans,” he said and sounded like he was confused by her statement.

“And? New Orleans is practically in my DNA.”

“And this place was built for people like you.”

“I’m leaving, whether you like it or not,” she declared and he gave up. “I like this school, but it’s not home. Never was, never will be.”

“Uh, finally leaving?” Lizzie asked, standing in the doorway.

“Would you be mad if I beat her up? Just this one time, please?” Hope asked.

Alaric gave her a stern look.

“All right.”

“As if you could beat me up,” Lizzie said.

Hope sighed. “Sometimes I miss how my family’s name put fear into everyone. The people here forget what we are capable of,” she said to Alaric, not acknowledging Lizzie.

“I consider it as my success that no one here is afraid of you,” Alaric countered.

“Goodbye, ruler of all.” She kissed his cheek. He didn’t tense this time. Instead, he leaned into the fleeting contact.

She walked to the door where Lizzie blocked her way.

“I can turn you into an insect, Franz Kafka style,” Hope said. “Oh, I forgot that you are brain damaged. You probably don’t know who that is.”

“Do you ever become tired of playing the smart girl?”

“I’m serious. My aunt taught me the spell.”

“Whatever. I won’t miss you.”

“What a surprise. Any last words?” Hope asked both of them.

“Stop fucking fathers,” Lizzie said, to the shock of Alaric.

“Sure.”

“Don’t become like your father,” Alaric said.

_Of course._

“Fuck you. Don’t act like you are my father. It’s not your accomplishment that I am not like him. Don’t talk about him like that. I should have destroyed this stupid book you wrote about him.”

Old resentment resurfaced in that moment. She had hated him for writing this book, for always talking badly about her family.

“Hope-“

“Fuck you. Both of you,” she said. “Be her daddy for once.”

She left. 

Back in New Orleans, she lived with Freya and Keelin and attended a local school.

She left the place that separated her and her family for so long. The place where she learnt that she can’t love and that her problems ran deeper than imagined.

Most of all, she learnt that always and forever was truly different from everything else.

Family above all.

Her love for her family was the only thing that counts.

Everything else was, is and always will be secondary.

* * *

Hope was sitting on the balcony that was connected to her room. She was watching the night sky and her city. In a different reality New Orleans would have been her city. Her father was king, she was next in line.

She wasn’t interested in ruling a kingdom, not in this reality. Watching the stars and thinking about this alternative universe where she and her parents would be together ruling the city was enough for her.

“Still awake?”

“Obviously.”

Freya joined her on the balcony and sat down next to her.

“You shouldn’t drink so much alcohol.”

“Why? It won’t kill me,” Hope said, amused.

“How are you?”

“Fine.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes.

“The stars are beautiful, aren’t they?” Hope eventually said.

Freya nodded.

“I think something’s wrong with me,” Hope said quietly.

“Why?”

“I didn’t leave because I was bored. I mean, I was, but that wasn’t the main reason.” She turned her eyes away from the stars to look at her aunt who was already watching her expectantly. “I just couldn’t look at this guy whose heart I broke. He never wanted to be with me, but I seduced him and then I just left him. Wanna know why I left him?”

“Why?”

“I thought I loved him. We had sex.”

“That doesn’t answer why you left.”

“Turns out I don’t love him. Never have.”

“You don’t need to figure everything out. You’re just a kid.”

“I’m not a kid anymore.”

“I know,” Freya said sadly, letting her eyes fall. “How was the sex?”

“Bad.”

“Was he inexperienced?”

“No.”

“Why was it bad?”

“I didn’t feel anything. I felt nothing.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh.” She pushed her hands over her face and let her head fall. “I don’t think I can love someone.”

“Because of the sex?”

“No. That’s a part of it. I thought I loved this guy, but I didn’t. I’m not sure how love feels. Romantic love.”

“Hey,” Freya said softly and grabbed her hand. “He was one guy. You will find the right person. We all have.”

“I don’t think love exists. At least not for us. You were just so lonely that you all found someone and told yourself that it is love.”

“That’s…depressing.”

“Welcome to life.”

“You should really drink less. Alcohol makes you sad.”

“It just makes me say what I really think. Sad is my normal mode.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Why? It’s not your fault.”

“I can still be sorry, can’t I?”

“You can do whatever you want.”

“Do you want me to leave you alone?”

 _No._ “You can do whatever you want.”

Freya stayed but kept quiet. They went back to looking at the stars.

“I love you. You know that, right?” Freya asked softly.

“Of course. I love you too.” Hope sighed and stood up. “Can I hug you?”

“You don’t ever need to ask this question, Hope.”

She hugged her aunt and cried.

“Thank you for being there for me.”

“Always and forever.”

“Until you die. _Until you die._ ”

**Author's Note:**

> You didn't think this would be a happy story, did ya?
> 
> This was initially a story about Gods. Freyja would be there and be Hope's ancestor.


End file.
